Jamestory…..chapter 4: Yep. Atheism comes with good chips and dips

21 01 2010

I want people to truly understand why I am doing this and such.  I also want to explain to people that I am not in fact bashing the Catholic Religion in any way shape or form.  In fact, I am not bashing religion as a whole neither.

OK.

With that said, let me continue with my history.

After pretty much giving up on God as a part of my life, something happened.  CANCER!

I found the lump quite by accident.  It was in my lymph under my right arm pit.  I went and saw a doctor and sure enough, it was cancerous.  Doc went in, removed as much as he could, did the chemo and rad treatment and through all that time, you would think that I would of found God.  Guess what!

Nope.  In fact, this made me even more hard core of an atheist.  Not in the way of why would God do this to a person.

Nope.

Mine was really, OK, I have cancer.  Now I must beat it.  It was actually something my mother said to me when I broke the news that I had cancer.

James.  I’ll pray for you.

The night after my last appointment, I sat on my couch and just sat there in the dark.  No voices.  No reassurance.  Nada.

But it was there that I evaluated my life.  It was at that moment when I realized that something was missing.  I was making wrong decisions still, but for the most part, no one but myself was ever harmed, or so I thought.

It would take a discussion with a dear friend, meeting a person that was wrong for me and reuniting with a friend I have lost to finally realize that my relationships with people would never be worth unless I first had a relationship with God.





So you have decided to leave the Church…

14 01 2010

So, let me bring you up to speed.

I’m a Catholic and even went the route of going to a Catholic high school.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  My time at Bishop Feehan was amazing.  The people I met and became friends with were amazing.  Sure, the student body produced for me some timeless friendships, but it was also the connections with the staff that I remember as well.  Two people, Father Caron and Sister Pat will always be remembered to me as people that influenced my life.

However, there were teachers that made time there tough.  See, this was a time in my life that I started to question major things in my life.  Mostly was where I stood in my relationship with the big man upstairs.  I knew I wanted to have a relationship, but there was no personal connection with God.  What made it worse was when I did question, whether it was in class or in papers or such, I was never given answers to satisfy my search for God.  I was mostly brushed off and told at times to just accept the dogma of the Catholic Church.

It was this that led me down the path of being Agnostic and eventually becoming Atheist.  See, with questions swirling around and no answers, I turned off my feelings and eventually ended my relationship with God.  I did not believe he existed and once again the massive guilt of Catholicism would come out.

It was indeed a dark time for myself.  I could answer the questions of why you don’t believe in God with the easy question of why do you?  Maybe a part of me used this to find someone to help set me straight.  I was angry.  Angry because I felt at times that God let me down.  I came out of a horrible relationship, moved half way across the world.  I ran.  Ran away from people and problems.  I drank.  A lot.  Booze consumed a lot of my time and when that wasn’t the case, my life was filled with unfulfilled relationships.  I surrounded myself with the wrong type of people and that enforced my atheism.  I felt defiant.  I didn’t have to answer to anyone but myself and was defiant because in the long term, I was creating my own dogma, my own ethics and my own morals.  Needless to say, my compass was all screwed up.

It would be several years of spiting God before I eventually pulled my head out of my proverbial rear end.





I’ll take the communion with a side of guilt please.

4 01 2010

So, as with all great superhero stories and amazing trilogy of stories, there has to be a beginning.  An origin story.

We learn the Peter Parker is bitten by a spider and becomes Spiderman.  Bruce Wayne becomes Batman for revenge of his parent’s death.  Mine is also a similar story as well.

Well before becoming a man of God and a follower of his work, I was a CATHOLIC!

Yes.  A Catholic.

OK.  Now that the eerie organ music has subsided, let’s get to my origin story.

See, I was raised in the great state of Massachusetts.  A majority of the people there are either of Italian or Irish or Portuguese heritage.  All three of those are in fact predominately Catholic.  With my mother, it was a decision that was made that both myself and my sister were going to be raised in the Catholic church.

Now, I don’t blame my mother for setting the precedent of making us Catholics.  The fact is that she comes from a long line of catholics and so it was only a responsible way a mother could expose her kids to God and such.

I do remember our small church.  Father Magnani who had a beach house on the Cape.  Summer times were quick masses called forever by the congregation as Cape Cod masses because he wanted to get in and out as fast as he could.  Father ” Wild ” Bill was much younger and rode a motorcycle.  He was cool to the young kids and the young adults as well.

However, being Catholic was tough.  See, I was not exactly the kind of kid that would sit there and listen to the constant talking, standing and kneeling and sitting.  Being Catholic was like washing your hair.  Lather, Rinse and repeat.  Stand, Kneel, sit and repeat.

The biggest problem was two major things.  These things I will get more in depth in later posts.  See, it was the massive guilt that they made you feel and the fact that they never made you feel like you had a relationship with not only God but with Jesus as well.

So for those unfamiliar with being Catholic, I will try to clear up my issues and problems with the Catholic Church and how this sect of Christianity does not fit into my growth as a person in Christ.

So, there you have it.  I was brought into this world as a Catholic.  The years of therapy to undo what has taken them decades to instill into me could take on a whole blog all by itself.  Fortunately, I won’t do that……for now!

Next post will be more on my views with the Catholics.





I’m James, God. It’s very nice to meet you!

1 01 2010

Hello everyone.  Yes, James Falcon is in fact back in the blogging sphere.  Yes, instead of ranting and raving about films, filmmakers and film in general, I have decided to take a slightly different direction in this.

See, as I am writing this, it is a few hours until the New Year.  out with 2009 and in with 2010.  Sure, it is easy to sit here and go on and on about resolutions and I’m going to do this and I’m going to do that.  Quit smoking and eat better and lose weight and so on and so on.

However, this is the furthest from what I am hoping to achieve.  In actuality, I am hoping that this is an insight to me as a person who is looking to grow spiritually.   So, here is this….my opus to me as a religious entity.

Essentially I am looking to become a free agent for God.  Yes.  A free agent.  Not the kind with a super agent that will sign me to a mega contract that will give me millions of dollars in guaranteed money only to let me just coast by because I already have the big bucks.  I’m talking about someone that is open to experiencing new Dogma, new theology, new thinking.

So in essence, this blog is a way for me to talk intimately about my life and my past relationship with God and Christ.  I will explore all aspects of Christianity and in fact how they differ from what I previously was in my religious life.

Mind you that I will post as often as I can.  Everyday?  Maybe not.  One in a while?  Well, more than that.  Minimum of once a week.

So, tomorrow I will make the first official post.  Needless to say, this would make an awesome Documentary.  No, really, seriously!!!