So you have decided to leave the Church…

14 01 2010

So, let me bring you up to speed.

I’m a Catholic and even went the route of going to a Catholic high school.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  My time at Bishop Feehan was amazing.  The people I met and became friends with were amazing.  Sure, the student body produced for me some timeless friendships, but it was also the connections with the staff that I remember as well.  Two people, Father Caron and Sister Pat will always be remembered to me as people that influenced my life.

However, there were teachers that made time there tough.  See, this was a time in my life that I started to question major things in my life.  Mostly was where I stood in my relationship with the big man upstairs.  I knew I wanted to have a relationship, but there was no personal connection with God.  What made it worse was when I did question, whether it was in class or in papers or such, I was never given answers to satisfy my search for God.  I was mostly brushed off and told at times to just accept the dogma of the Catholic Church.

It was this that led me down the path of being Agnostic and eventually becoming Atheist.  See, with questions swirling around and no answers, I turned off my feelings and eventually ended my relationship with God.  I did not believe he existed and once again the massive guilt of Catholicism would come out.

It was indeed a dark time for myself.  I could answer the questions of why you don’t believe in God with the easy question of why do you?  Maybe a part of me used this to find someone to help set me straight.  I was angry.  Angry because I felt at times that God let me down.  I came out of a horrible relationship, moved half way across the world.  I ran.  Ran away from people and problems.  I drank.  A lot.  Booze consumed a lot of my time and when that wasn’t the case, my life was filled with unfulfilled relationships.  I surrounded myself with the wrong type of people and that enforced my atheism.  I felt defiant.  I didn’t have to answer to anyone but myself and was defiant because in the long term, I was creating my own dogma, my own ethics and my own morals.  Needless to say, my compass was all screwed up.

It would be several years of spiting God before I eventually pulled my head out of my proverbial rear end.